the maternity leave

In the beginning, I had a pretty hard time navigating my maternity leave benefits.  After numerous talks with HR and reading these three posts and still did not have a clear understanding of how much time and how much pay I would get on leave. Even after going through it, I still am confused about the time and money I got.

http://www.hellobee.com/2012/11/19/maternity-leave-in-california/

http://pregnancy.lovetoknow.com/wiki/California_Maternity_Leave

http://siliconvalleymamas.com/2013/03/understanding-maternity-leave-in-california-2013-edition/

I think the mother really needs to decide how much time she wants to take and then work with her employer.  For me, the daycare spot did not open up until August so that was when I wanted to return to work.  Since my boss was ok with that, it was then a matter of filing the proper paperwork with the company and state. I took a portion of my leave unpaid.

Every employee and employer will be different.  In the beginning of the year, my plan changed to unlimited vacation policy where I would not accrue PTO.  I was paid out for the PTO I had accrued and I used this money to cover the unpaid portion of my leave. Under this plan, for my maternity leave, I was allowed 5 days at 100% pay and then 15 days at 40% pay.  I decided not to take any time off before the baby actually came so that I could stretch that benefit for longer time with the baby.  I started my leave on my due date February 17th and was covered to May 11th by Family Medical Leave Act (FMLA) and paid until April 2nd by Pregnancy Disability Leave (PDL).  FMLA is 12 weeks job protected, unpaid leave and PDL is 6 weeks at 55-60% pay. Then California Family Rights Act (CFRA) protected my job from April 3rd to June 24th .  I didn't use the full 12 weeks of CFRA baby bonding time. From June 24th to July 31st, I was on personal leave.

Clear as mud?

the labor and delivery

prior to labor, I had heard all these awesome stories where people had really short labors.  It didn't occur to me until later that their water broke.  For them, labor was a couple hours and then the baby was out.  None of this waiting at home forever.

On my due date, I went to see my OB.  We had the option of getting my membranes swept which basically meant separating the bag of waters from the uterus.  We did that and actually also had to go to antenatal testing because there was some slight heart arrhythmia and the OB wanted us to get it checked out.  Everything was fine so we went home.

The next morning, Wednesday February 18th, I started having contractions.  I think I had contractions before but those were not real.  They just felt like one small part was tightening.  When I woke up at 7:30am, I started timing my contractions and they were 5 minutes apart, about a minute each, lasting for about an hour.  I waited until 10am to call the hospital and they said I could come in if I wanted.  I watched Up, had lunch with Stephen and then headed in around 1pm.  I was still only 1cm dilated which was the same as the day before.  We went home and I watched a lot of episodes of How I Met Your Mother. I took a shower and a bath, but the pain was getting to be a bit much so I skipped dinner and tried to nap.  The Prenatal Partners yoga class didn't help me all that much.  Stephen tried to encourage different poses and different places to sit, but it all felt pretty crappy.  Now I know why when I asked people to compare labor pain to something, they couldn't.  It is just pure pain and the consistency and persistence of it is what makes it unbearable.  There were times when I thought I would throw up.  And I do not get nauseated easily. We went back to the hospital at around 10pm.  I had not progressed much to my disappointment and they sent me home again with a shot of morphine to help me sleep.  It was a relief.  We got home around midnight and I woke up at 4:30am.  Compared to the contractions at the start of my labor, these were really super painful.  I was sure I wanted to go in. This time I was 7cm dilated!  Woohoo!!  I was cheering as I was finally admitted!  They do not admit you unless you are 4cm dilated. 

I had considered not getting an epidural, but considering how painful and long labor already was, I was definitely ready for some relief.  I didn't ever think I would need a morphine shot and I got that so when they asked if I wanted an epidural, I was all in.  After I got the epidural, I felt a lot better.  We even watched Frozen.  I was not allowed to eat anything though and I kept thinking what a mistake it was that I had skipped dinner the night before. Then I didn't have breakfast or lunch or dinner that day really.  I am not sure if the epidural had slowed things down, but I was not progressing even though they had broken my water.  In the afternoon, they gave me some Pitocin to get my contractions going again.  Also by this time, the epidural was not total numbness and loss of control.  I would feel my legs and could feel contractions, though they were not as painful. 

At around 4:30pm, I was fully dilated so could start pushing. We tried some different positions. We started with the birthing bar, using the vertical supports to push against with my feet and then a sheet to pull back on.  We also tried squatting but the nurse didn't recommend it because of edema.  We also tried side curled. We ended up in a position where I was on my back, holding my knees up, curling over.  At around 8:00pm, baby was born!! I was super relieved. When they broke my water earlier in the day, there was a little bit of poo in the water, so when baby came out, all I could see was her back and the dark umbilical cord.  They whisked her off to get cleaned.  They worked on getting the placenta out and when that came out, I thought it was all over.  Turns out it wasn't!  I had some postpartum bleeding/hemorrhaging due to uterine atony so the two doctors were trying to massage my uterus into contracting.  They even brought in a third doctor to try as well.  I felt like I was getting beat up!  I also got a shot of hemabate. After a little while, they were able to successfully stop the bleeding so then I finally got to hold baby!

the daycare

We decided to look into daycares earlier so that we could have a plan for when we both go back to work.  We started with the McDonald's of daycares, Bright Horizons.  A lot of these daycares have long waitlists so getting started early is always a good idea.  Most of the daycares offered very similar things.  We also looked at some schools that offered infant care.  The schools and the Bright Horizons were similar in price, both pretty expensive.  In the end, we went with an in home daycare, which was a lot cheaper.  We thought that by preschool we could transition her to a school. We visited three.  Location is pretty important.  We wanted convenience so we didn't spend a lot of time dropping off and picking up.  They were all in the city but just a bit more distance meant a lot more time in the car especially during rush hour. 

the classes

Most hospitals offer classes for first time parents.  We decided to go with a basic package and took a newborn care class, breastfeeding class, and birth class.  We debated about taking a CPR class but the YouTube videos seemed pretty good.  Of the three classes we took, the newborn care class was probably the least useful.  Maybe it was because I read the Baby 411 book.  It didn't feel like we learned that much.  We took the birth class next and that one was long. It probably could have been condensed.  She tried to have us do some poses but the classroom setting was probably not the best place for that. The birth class was also scary.  We watched three births on video and every one looked painful.  After that class, I had major anxiety about the pain of giving birth. We took breastfeeding last and that class had some good information.  The teacher was super animated and pretty funny so it was an entertaining class.

the exercise

I walked to and from work all throughout pregnancy. It is about 20 minutes each way.  I am definitely slowing down now and it probably takes me 10 minutes longer.  It is still nice to move a little bit though.

Starting at around 30 weeks, I went to prenatal yoga.  I went to Bernal Yoga once and then Yoga Tree Potrero the rest of the times.  Yoga Tree Potrero is super convenient.  It is close and parking is easy.  The class can get a bit full and crowded.  I think most prenatal yoga classes are the same.  At least the Bernal and Yoga Tree teachers taught very similar things. Of course we start with breathing, then strengthening which is basically arm work, warrior poses which are hip openers.  It is not really a workout but stretching and relaxation. I forgot to mention that the first time I went to class, I was surprised that we spent a lot of time introducing everyone in the class.  We said our names, how far along we were, and if we wanted to work on anything. I think it is meant to foster community. It was also neat to see how different people who were the same number of weeks pregnant could look so different. Everyone's body is different.

We also took a Prenatal Partners class.  There were so many couples there. It was actually with the teacher who taught the Bernal Yoga prenatal yoga class. I thought it was neat. It is totally different from a prenatal yoga class.  She taught the partners how to help the moms through labor with massage. 

the nursery

We have a second bedroom that we knew we were going to make the nursery.  We also decided later on that the baby would probably sleep with us in our room in a bassinet for the first month or so.  The second bedroom has definitely come a long way. It basically became a storage room for all my craft things, all our snowboard gear and various other random things.  There was a lot of purging which is always a lot of work, but pretty rewarding. 

We debated keeping the full sized bed since space was tight if we added a crib.  In the end we kept the bed in case visitors come over.  I can also sit on it to nurse.  Gliders are expensive.  The bed will do just fine.  We ended up doing a lot more re-purposing than we had intended. There was a desk/table in a nook that we make into the changing area.  We moved the drawers our of our closet and into this bedroom for baby clothing storage.  We had to get either get closet organization or more drawers for our own closet and ended up going the cheaper route with some ikea drawers. 

The main issue with the room now is that it is way too hot.  We added some blackout shades but it is still too hot. We considered a ceiling fan but not sure that it will cool it enough. Another big thing we did was change out the carpets in both rooms. It was a mess for a while since we had all the bedroom furniture in the dining room for a while.  The new carpet is nice though and definitely makes the room feel new. Stephen painted a wall a grayish purple color.  I accidentally bought eggshell so Stephen had issues with the sheen and getting an even coat.

Before

After

the baby shower

When it came to planning our baby shower, we knew we wanted our friends and family to be there.  My husband and I started planning ourselves and then delegated tasks to some willing friends. The main tasks for us was finding a place and also food.

The venue was a bit of a pain.  We were not willing to spend that much but needed a space that could fit everyone in San Francisco.  We were estimating about 40 people so our condo was out of the question.  We wished our condo had a community room so we actually booked a day at a friend's community room.  We had been to a baby shower there before.  Weather was awesome while we were looking for a venue so my husband had his heart also set on the mini SF Giants field.  We also booked there.  It was just a mini baseball field with no real restrooms and tables or chairs so it seemed like it would be a lot of work to set up. Not to mention if it rained then we would need to move the location last minute.

Carol had been to a baby shower in the South Beach Harbor Community room so she helped us look into that. It was the right size and right price, so we confirmed that location. It was perfect.  It was close to home, had a playground right next door, had tables, chairs, and a restroom, and tables outside for people who wanted to be outside.  The only issue was parking.  We tried to mitigate it by scheduling the shower on a Sunday so that at least street parking would be free.  It was also hard to find since it is actually Pier 40A and lots of people ended up at Pier 40.  Also Pier 40 is not next to Pier 39.

We decided to go with City Smokehouse for catering and it was a hit.  We had chicken, beef brisket, mushrooms, beet salad, rolls, and mac and cheese.  People loved the BBQ and it was super easy.  It is not cheap though and we had contemplated just doing Costco roasted chickens and some Trader Joe's frozen food. We had so much food leftover.  Next time we don't need to order the same number of servings as attendees.  We still have leftovers frozen.

The theme was dictated by the Paperless Post invite Jacqueline helped us find and send out.  It actually matched our wedding invitations.  The e-card had woodland creatures on a wooden background.

Carol took the lead on most of the decorations. Jacqueline also found and bought supplies. Jess did drinks

 Cynthia organized all the games and desserts with the help of my mother-in-law

The baby shower was fun. It was great to see all our close friends and family.