the doctor

I had seen two other Obs before deciding that this third one was the right one for me. By the time I saw her though, I was already pregnant so that might have subconsciously factored into it. A lot of people in San Francisco deliver at CPMC.  It seems to be the hospital of choice.  I wanted to make my own choice. 

My sister-in-law delivered at Mills Peninsula in Burlingame.  We had visited her after she gave birth and the place was relatively new, easy to access, and had ample parking.  The first Ob I saw delivered there. I had some concerns about being more susceptible to postpartum depression and tapering off the medication I was on at the time.  We seemed to have some cultural differences as she did not understand why people were unhappy or depressed.  Where she came from, people supposedly did not have the luxury of being depressed.  She told me to eat some jelly beans instead of my medication as placebo effect.  At the time, it seemed humorous, but looking back it was kind of negligent that she would suggest something like that.

The next Ob I saw did deliver at CPMC.  She was really straightforward and while she was not warm or fuzzy, she seemed knowledgeable and open to hearing my concerns. She was the one who suggested we start before the tracker told us to so I am grateful for her suggestion. 

My Ob now delivers at UCSF.  What I liked about UCSF was that it was close by, the new hospital is being built within walking distance.  I was also open to exploring the possibility of having a midwife help me out and UCSF has them on staff.  I actually don't know if CPMC has that as well. I wanted to try a natural birth, maybe even without an epidural so having a midwife there would be great.  I am not against an epidural but I believe I had a relatively high pain tolerance.  Birth seems so unpredictable so that might not be possible, but I would like the opportunity and the support to try.

When I went in for my first appointment, which was called the pregnancy confirmation, I loved how close and convenient the office was.  It was also really new and high tech.  They weighed me on the bed I was sitting on instead of those uncalibrated beam scales.  They also asked me if I wanted to know my weight, which was surprisingly a first!  I actually did not prefer to know because it can trigger issues for me, but this was the first office that actually asked me.  Some offices I would even tell them I don't know how much I weigh or that I prefer a blind weigh and they would still tell me!  They did include the weight on the post-appointment print out, but at least they tried. 

My doctor was knowledgeable, warm, and pretty easy going which were all qualities I didn't know I preferred until I met her. 

the calendar

One useful tool that we used to conceive was the period tracker.  There are other tools out there that people use.  We might have tried the ovulation strips too but we seemed to be relatively lucky in conceiving without too much time or effort.  In my search for an ob, one did recommend that we start about 10 days before the tracker told us it was "time".  The first month we did that, it worked!

the medication

Among some other obvious things we needed to do to have a baby, we had wanted to be medication free while trying to get and being pregnant.  When Kody passed, my support team and I decided that it was too much to try to taper off my medications.  One of the medications I was taking was an obvious one to stop because a recent study had shown that it was toxic for babies and caused cleft palate/lip.  It was also one that I had not been taking that long when compared to the other one.  The other medication had unknown effects on babies. It was a personal choice and the medication was always something I preferred not to be on if I could.  It was very hard for me to tell whether the medication was helping me or it was the other legwork I was doing. So earlier this year, we started the process of tapering off again.  I didn't go through any significant withdrawal which was great. After the tapering was complete, we had the green light to start trying to conceive.

the recovery

life is all about recovery.  things knock you down and you recover and get back up.

2013 was tough.  There were days when I didn't think I could move on or when I thought moving on might be a sign that I would forget Kody.  I will never forget her.  I won't forget what she taught me and what she stood for.

I journalled.  I went to therapy.  I tried to distract myself with new crafts.  I sketched.   I crocheted.  I felted. I tried unsuccessfully to volunteer with french bulldogs.  I tried again successfully to volunteer with another french bulldog organization. 

Then we adopted Pip from another organization that rescued french bulldogs.  She is such a blessing. Supposedly she was a stray in San Jose.  We often try to guess how she became a stray.  Maybe she escaped?  Or ran away?  Not sure how someone could give a dog up.  She was picked up by a shelter and then by the Bulldog Club of America Rescue Network.  There she was fostered before being adopted by a couple who returned her after some months because they couldn't potty train her.  They also found silica stones in her bladder that she had removed during surgery.  I saw her on petfinder and decided to apply. They came and visited our place and we were approved!  We drove to Folsom/Shingle Springs and met her at her foster mom's work/vet office.    

It has been a year since Pip joined our family and I am so grateful for her presence in my life. 

baby planning

So we are expecting our first child next year 2015!

As with all things, there was planning involved.  I wish I could have documented the planning process real time but we didn't tell family until recently and even now, not all our friends know!

First things first, of course my husband and I were on the same page about wanting children.  We could go for more than two but by three I might be close to 40 years old!  We got married in 2012 and were open to having children soon after but were also open to enjoying married life.  Unfortunately, 2013 started with huge heartache as we I lost my french bulldog, Kody to unknown reasons. I was devastated.  I still think about her everyday and even as we plan for baby, I wish Kody could have been here. We really took 2013 to re-coop and heal.